“I don’t want to do this anymore”

She wasn’t even close by me. She was a ways away and I called out to her over the conversation that I was having with someone else…:

“You’re going to see the angelic. But before your heart can be touched with fascination by them, the Father will come in and you will only long for His face…”

I carried on the conversation I was having with the woman in front of me and then after saying goodbye, started heading out the door. The young girl I had called out to previously ran after me and said, “Hey! Can I ask you a few questions???” Maybe it was careless of me, but I hadn’t considered that she would have questions. She started to tell me her story about how she had been completely fascinated by satanic ritualism and seeing/feeling the demonic. She had gone down a really dark path until the Lord had interrupted her life. It wasn’t even a real huge deal to her. She just thought she’d “give God a try” and was finding herself so drawn by having a life in Christ. After she had accepted Jesus into her life, she found that she could no longer access darkness the same way and she saw it for what it was. She was still walking a heavy road to understanding the freedom she had actually received and as we were talking, she kept asking question after question.

I started to be vulnerable with her about my past experiences and my many questions… and that’s when I hit the honey pot. She started opening up more. And then I started sharing with her my encounters with angels, but more importantly my encounters with Jesus. “I want that! I want that! I want to know Him like that! Wow!! That’s possible?! Wow!!” She then started telling me, “I brought this with me tonight. It’s kind of like my comfort. I thought that maybe it was because something crazy was going to happen here tonight and that I would use it afterwards. But now I know I brought it to give to you…” I opened up my hand in time for her to place something inside it. It looked like a crumpled piece of paper. “What is it?” I asked….

“It’s my razor… I am a cutter. But not anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore… I don’t want to cut anymore… I’m done. I want you to have it… I’m done.”

I looked at my hand. Then I looked right into her eyes, “Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for your courage. Wow, good job. Can I pray for you?”

“Yes, you can!” She said.
“Can others pray for you?”
“Yes”
“Can we touch you as we pray?”
“No.”
“Ok, that’s ok! We are just going to come around you like this and pray…”

When we first started praying she kept feeling this heaviness. She kept saying, “I feel heavy. I feel heavy.” I asked if it was good or bad. Not knowing at first, she finally said, “I think it’s bad.” We did some deliverance with forgiveness, repentance, and inviting Holy Spirit in. After all that she said, “I feel heavy again!!” But this time she told me it was different.

“The first time the heaviness felt like this…” And she placed her hands around her neck as if being choked. “But this time it felt like this…” She opened up her arms and put them to her side. “It feels like someone is kind of sitting on me… and it feels good this time.” I explained to her that what she was feeling was the weight of God’s glory sitting on her. We prayed, laughed, and I hugged her goodbye.

The next day her friend pulled me aside and said, “I have been with her for a year. I have seen her smile here and there. But I have never seen or heard her laugh. After last night, she could not stop smiling and she could not stop LAUGHING. She kept laughing until she was crying. I stayed with her all night and she didn’t stop laughing.”

“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy…” Psalm 30:11